Dementia and Single Beds

 As I stood face to face with my Attacker, I realised I was in a very confined space, I knew every punch had to count and I knew I was fighting for my life, this was one I just had to win. The blood was pumping through my veins and I was as mad as hell!!

 Who is this that taunts me, angers me? Who is this that brings about the Primeval in me? I clenched my fist and locked my gaze on the right side of his chin, just below the jaw line, (something I had learned from my grandad many years ago) I knew I had this once chance only to survive, and then I lunged forward with every ounce of strength I could muster from my toes right up to the end of my fist!! BUT!!

 Something was stopping me, something was holding me back, my attacker was laughing at me, mocking me, and no matter how hard I tried to release the punch of my life, I couldn’t. Then, in the distance I could hear a voice, a voice I barely recognised, but recognise it I did. It got louder and louder, and as it did I started to realise who it was. She was shouting my name over and over, asking me to stop but in a gentle re assuring way.

 Then , within seconds I was sat bolt upright in our bed, a bed we have shared for too many years to remember, Elaine was sprawled across me with both hands on my right arm, using her weight to stop me from lashing out at my invisible attacker, sweat was running down my body as I eventually came round and realised where I was.

 OH MY GOD WHAT IF ???

 Words cannot describe what went through my head at this time, the awful pictures of what might have been flashed in and out of my mind in glorious Technicolor, I shivered and sobbed as they did, until eventually Elaine (My Angel) gently got me back off to sleep and all was well with the world once again. I awoke very subdued and incredibly sad, not knowing quite what to say to the Lady I have loved and adored for so many years and still do. It was muted conversation but one I knew we had to have. We do have a separate bedroom that Elaine uses from time to time during the week if things are too much as she tries to catch up on much needed sleep because of my night terrors, but I have always imagined her, even then, sleeping with one eye open and hearing every little noise there is, just in case I hurt myself.

 Then, the  two words I have long dreaded came into the conversation “SINGLE BEDS” We all adore our spouses and loved ones and we all think we love them more than anybody else does, me included, but the sheer thought of not having my ANGEL” beside me at night times after so many years fills me with dread. To even contemplate waking up during the night, not hearing her soft breath, or feeling her reach for me , just making sure I am ok, cuts my heart in half, and yet? What of the other possible consequences??

 I would rather have my arms removed at just the thought of ever hurting the only lady I have ever loved. If anybody ever says to me?  What`s your worst NIGHTMARE? That would be it. YES! I have tried every sleeping Tablet on the market, and yes, with some wonderful advice of some friends I have even tried herbal sleeping medication and potions to calm you down before sleeping, but the Pure Evil, Ugly head that is Lewy body’s still appears most nights and taunts me.

 Just another symptom of Dementia to some, but another life changing challenge for us to face, when will they ever find a cure??

 Norrms Mc Namara 9th March 2013